"How could you?" proclaimed a heartbroken woman. Silent tears streaming down her cheeks, and yet she did nothing to stop the over flow of tears. Her heart, head, and body ache, the emotionally pain that she is going through became physical. Her head is throbbing badly; she just wants someone to knock her out so she could stop feeling. Stop feeling all this pain. Her hand went to cover her heart to keep it from spilling into a trillion little pieces on the floor.
John head went down, not meeting her gaze. Too guilty to even look at her. When he did have the courage to meet her eyes, he quickly looks down again. Once he saw the pain and hurt he inflicted in her eyes. Damn it! He didn't mean to hurt her, the last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt her … but it happened. He didn't encourage it too happen at least he didn't think so but it happened. Seeing the pain in her undisguised face pains him more than he thought was possible. Knowing that he caused it was like a gunshot to his heart.
"Answer me damn it!" she screams at him. No longer able to keep the pain and anguish inside and still speak calmly. Her quite, calm, cool facade faded into oblivion at that moment. This was her true face. The red, swollen eyes still leaking endless tears. Mascara streaming down her face like some horror movie. She knew she look horrid but she didn't care she just wanted to know why.
"I didn't mean to. It just sort of happened..." he said trying to clarify what happen. Knowing his weak explanation wasn't going to placate her. Her furious look made him feel worse if it was possible. She never looked at him with such hatred before. Never in a million years would he have said she would be looking at him with such a look, but yet here she was...giving him the look he hope never to see in his lifetime.
"What kind of answer is that detective?" she snarls at him. Why did he have to look so sexy and fine when she was stuck looking like who did it and why? She knew she shouldn't be thinking how good he look after what he did but how could she stop? How do you stop loving someone after they did you wrong?
"One that wouldn't hold up in court?" he cracks, hoping it would lighten the situation. He even tried a small smile but it was fruitless.
She couldn't believe the audacity this man had, here she is hurting crazy and this boy was trying to make a joke! He smiled! Smiled! No, that was the final straw. She was suddenly overtaken with a rage that had nowhere to go. She walks over to him and slaps him with all the fury and hurt she had inside.
His head turns from the force of the slap. She steps back and her anger was gone. Astonishment replaces the anger. She falls to her knees and cries openly into her hands. Not caring that she was letting John see her fall apart. It hurt it hurt so badly. She couldn't breath easily from the pain. Every breath that came out was shallow and pained. Through all this her head throb, the more she cried the harder it got. She wanted to die.
John watch in bewilderment as the wonder woman he knew and loved fell apart. His left hand holding his stinging left cheek. He knew she left a handprint if the burning was any indication to go on. It was second nature to comfort her so he rush to her side despite his hurting cheek. Picks her up and held her in her arms as she cries her pain out.
"Leave me alone!" she weeps, hitting him on his chest as she said so. "Why John why why why?!" sobs heaved from her throat. An excess of mucus stuck to the back of her throat. Her mouth was dry and her head was spinning. Yet there was nothing she could do to stop it. Nothing.
"What did I do to deserve this..." came out broken, uneven.
"Nothing angel absolutely nothing it was me. I was stupid I I" he stops when he couldn't find the words. Nothing he could say would ever justify what he did. All he could do was hold her now and pray that she could forgive him.
"Wasn't I a good girlfriend?" she thumps him on his back. Talking into his neck. "Didn't I learn to play pool and football so we could spend time together doing what you love" more sobs tore from her as she relive the moment he taught her how to do those things. " I love you so much, I did everything I could and yet I wasn't enough," she weeps. " Oh God kill me please. End my misery, take away my pain!" she begs look up at the ceiling, talking to God.
"Oh angel I'm sorry I'm so sorry" he repeated over and over again. She was scaring him with her talk of dying.
She heard the words yet they meant nothing to her. As the man she loved more than life it self held her, she felt safe. It tore her up knowing she would never feel those arms around her; never know how it feels to kiss those lips again.
Minutes went by that felt like hours that she stayed in his arms. Even after her tears subsided she stayed. Her headache seemed dimmer not quite as strong as it was. Her arms strong around his neck, never wanting to let him go. But she must. She had to move on she kept saying to her. Her dad would say to make sure she keeps her head up in a tough situation. And this is as hard as it gets. Finally she steps out his arms and out of his life forever.
Her head rise up high, shoulders squared.
When he looks into those eyes, those eyes that he knew so well, he knew it was over.
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