"Thank you, Dr. Boudreau. Talking to you has helped a lot," AJ said to the attractive African American psychiatrist as she walked him to the door.

"Well, that’s what I’m here for," Felicia said with an amiable smile. "I think we got a lot accomplished today, but I would like to continue next week, if that’s okay with you?"

"Sure, that will be fine. There are still some things that I’m trying to understand and work through, but something I’ve never been confused about is the way I feel about Keesha. I am in love with her. After today’s session, you have clarified all the more for me that having feelings for her isn’t wrong, and I plan to tell this to Jason."

"Well, AJ, having feelings for Keesha and wanting her to be in your life isn’t wrong, but I don’t think you need to rush into some great revelation to your brother. You said yourself that Keesha hasn’t admitted to having feelings any stronger than friendship for you."

AJ nodded. "That’s true, but when I kissed her she kissed me back." He closed his eyes for a moment as the memory played in his head. He released a breath. "She didn’t have to say anything, her actions said it all. I know she cares about me, even if she’s not willing to admit it to herself."

"So you’ll risk alienating yourself from brother by going after the woman he’s involved with?"

AJ groaned. Would he forever keep explaining this? " ‘Brother’ is just a word to me, Dr. Boudreau. I don’t feel any connection to him, so there’s already alienation. Besides, my need to have Keesha in my life far outweighs any hopes I could ever have for a relationship with Jason."

"Still, I suggest you wait before confronting your brother with your feelings for Keesha."

"Why?"

"Because telling your brother is not for you to do. You’ve told Keesha how you feel, so you’ve done what you needed to do for you. Whatever happens next is her decision to make, not yours. Telling Jason you love Keesha won’t make her love you back, but if you insist on pushing this, you could very well push her away."

A knock on the door prevented anything more from being said on the matter. Felicia glanced at her watch. "That’s my next appointment. Look, I can’t make you follow my suggestions, it’s just a little advice. Set up a time with Brynne for next week, and we’ll delve a little deeper into all of this then, okay?"

"Sure," AJ grumbled. He opened the door and left the doctor to her next patient.

After making an appointment with the receptionist, AJ went out to his waiting car and driver. He thought of the doctor’s words the entire ride home. As much as he hated to hear it, what Dr. Boudreau said was true. No matter what he said to Jason, it wouldn’t make Keesha come to terms with her feelings for him. And after the way she reacted to him today, AJ wondered if she ever would.

*****

Keesha’s hands were slick with tears as she continued to cover her face. Perhaps, if enough time passed before she moved them, Jason would be gone and she wouldn’t have to face him and what she just admitted. She realized that was the coward’s way, but walking a mile of hot coals would be more welcome than trying to explain what she just said, especially since she didn’t understand it herself.

"Keesha?"

Jason sounded calm, but the timbre of hurt in his voice seemed as loud as thunder. She tightened her already closed eyes as the threat of new tears burned them.

"Keesha?" Jason moved her hands from her face and lifted her chin. His blue eyes were glazed over and streams of red invaded the whites of his eyes. "Sweetheart, I’m sorry," he said cupping her face and brushing away her tears.

It was this gentle tone and tender touch that got to her every time. Sniffling, she instinctively pressed her cheek against his hand. "Why are you apologizing?"

"Because I was harsh with you." His fingers stroked the ends of her hair before trailing down the sides of her neck and resting on her shoulders. "I was harsh and angry, and it…it made me say things I didn’t mean. Like you just said something you didn’t mean. I know you didn’t mean that." His fingers kneaded the tense muscles of her shoulders but it did very little to relax her.

She covered his hands with hers in as much an attempt to comfort him as it was to stop the knots in her neck from multiplying with his every squeeze. "Oh, Jason. I wish it was that simple."

"It is that simple!"

She flinched from his unexpected outburst.

He took a moment and released a calming breath. "It is that simple," he repeated much softer.

"No, it’s not." Keesha stepped away from him and moved back to the bench. "Come, sit with me," she said patting the space of cool marble next to her.

His tear-filled eyes stayed on her, but he didn’t move a muscle.

"Please," she added.

Several moments later Jason walked over and took a seat. Her heart skipped a beat when he slid his hand atop hers. This simple gesture gave her hope that he wasn’t as disgusted with her as she was with herself for putting him through this. Taking a breath to steel her nerves, Keesha attempted to explain. "I guess the first thing I should say is I’m sorry. This is the very last thing I expected to happen."

"What is this, Keesha? I don’t understand."

She shrugged. "Neither do I. That’s why I need time. To try and figure it out."

"To figure out if you’re in love with my brother or me?"

That was the crux of the matter and there was no point in denying it. She nodded. "Yes."

"NO!! No, Keesha, I’m not buying this."

"Jason…."

"No." He released her hand and leapt from the bench. After walking a few paces he turned back to her. "You’re letting AJ work you."

She sighed. "Jason."

"Come on, Keesha! This is typical AJ. He may not remember the whole of his life, but he’s still the same old AJ! He was sly before, but now he just doesn’t give a damn. He’s always wanted you, and now he’s going after you full speed ahead." Jason reclaimed his space on the bench and searched her eyes for answers. "What I don’t get is how you’re falling for it. This ploy is nothing new. He’s been after you forever, but somehow he’s managed to make you doubt your feelings for me. He sensed your guilt about the accident and he jumped on it."

Keesha glared at him in disbelief. "Do you think I’m stupid?"

He recoiled at her words. "Of course not."

"Then how can you sit here and tell me that guilt has me doubting everything I’ve known to be true and real in my heart?"

He grunted. "How? Because you’re doubting us, and our love, and I’m trying to understand it."

"I’m trying to understand it, too. AJ can flirt with me until the cows come home, but he can’t make me feel something that’s not there. I’ve tried to suppress these feelings, and pretend they weren’t there, but I can’t do it anymore. Jason, I don’t know where these feelings came from, but what I do know is they’re real, and they’re not going away."

"Okay. You say you don’t know where these feelings came from, what made you cognizant of them?" he asked with a raised brow. "Did you wake up one morning with the realization that you loved him, or did AJ help point you in the direction of this amazing insight?"

Keesha shifted uncomfortably. She didn’t want to go into that with him. "It’s not important."

"I’ll take that mean he did do something. You said you didn’t sleep with him, so how far did it go? Did he kiss you?"

She didn’t utter a word, but it was clear he got his answer nonetheless.

Jason shook his head and released a humorless chuckle. "So, you want me to what, sit back and watch AJ go in for the kill? Give you my total blessing to date my brother? Give him a great deal on an engagement ring?"

"You’re being so bitter, Jason."

"Uh, yes! What, I’m supposed to break out the bubbly when the woman I’m in the midst of proposing marriage to tells me she needs time to figure out if she’s in love with my brother or me? Tell me how I should act, Keesha, because I don’t think Hallmark makes cards for occasions like this."

Having had about all of his acerbic tone that she could take, Keesha stood from the bench. He was entitled to his anger, but she was in no mood to listen to his stinging commentary. "We need to talk, but I’m not going to do this with you right now."

Jason grabbed her hand before she could get too far. "Wait," he said standing next to her. "I’m sorry. I’m not taking this well." He scoffed. "Hell, as a matter of fact, I’m not taking this at all."

She slumped her shoulders and sighed. Didn’t he know this was killing her? "Jason, I need--"

"Time. Yes, I know. You need time, I don’t." He retrieved the ring from the small box on the bench. "Keesha, I love you, and I have every intention of putting this ring on your finger and making you my wife." He stuck the shiny piece of jewelry in his back pocket and stepped closer to her. "In other words, I’m not going to roll over and play dead while AJ works his mojo on you. So, while you’re thinking, I’m going to be reminding you of why you fell in love with me in the first place, and why I’m the man you’ll be spending your future with, not AJ."

Keesha didn’t have time to be surprised as Jason brought her body crushing to his, capturing her lips in a deep, bruising kiss. He knew just how to make her body respond to him, and when his tongue slid across her lips, she opened herself to him. He kissed her like a man possessed, tasting and exploring her mouth like never before. She returned his kiss with equal fervor, wrapping her arms around his neck as the kiss became even more intense.

The throbbing of Jason’s aroused manhood against her thigh caused the fire in Keesha’s belly to rage out of control. Her head was swimming. Jason felt so good, so right. They had everything a couple needed to be happy, and she loved him, she loved him so much. So where did AJ fit into that? AJ? No matter what, he always seemed to find his way into her thoughts. As much she wanted Jason right now, she couldn’t let things go any further. Not until she dealt with her feelings for AJ.

Somehow finding the strength, Keesha broke the kiss and tried to catch her erratic breath. "Jason, we--we can’t do this."

He cupped her bottom and pressed her against the pulsating bulge in his jeans. He gazed into her eyes, his cobalt orbs burning with desire. "Yes, Keesha, we can," he whispered through his ragged breathing.

Her body shivered as his lips and tongue trailed a path alongside her. He wasn’t making this easy, and if she didn’t put a few feet between them, they would be giving Lila’s pink roses a new reason to blush. Keesha escaped his amorous clinch and took several steps back, her open palms pressed against the solid wall of his chest "Our making love won’t change anything. I know I love you, Jason. I know I’m incredibly attracted to you. That’s not in question here."

"No, what’s in question is the way you think you feel about AJ! Right now. Us." He covered her hands with his. "This is what’s real. This is what’s always been real."

She dropped her hands and took more steps back. "You have to hear me! Lately, this is how I feel when I’m with AJ. The truth is, I don’t know what’s real anymore, and I have to find out what is."

The strangled cry that passed Jason’s lips pierced her heart. He shook his head. "Keesha."

More water filled her eyes. "Jason, I’m sorry. I do love you, but, God, help me, I love AJ, too." Keesha made no attempt to remove the tears that rolled freely down her cheeks, even as she fought herself not to brush away his. "I have no right to ask you to wait for me, so I won’t even bother. I just hope that you’ll find a way to understand why I have to do this, and that you won’t hate--you won’t hate me for trying to do the right thing." Sobbing, she raced from the garden.

"Keesha! KEESHA!" Jason’s calls were futile; she wasn’t coming back. He stormed to the bench and flung the empty ring box in a fit of rage. "Dammit!"

"Ow."

Jason’s blood boiled at the sound of the familiar voice. He made a mad dash to the other side of his grandmother’s prized rose bushes where he found his older brother picking up the box that had apparently struck some part of his person.

"Looks like you lost something, Jason," AJ said as he snapped the box closed.