Chapter 32 <br><p> 

"Why is that quote 'fools rush in where angels fear to 
tread' always in my mind these days?" Ellen hesitated 
for a moment and then took in a deep breath and 
knocked on the office door. After hearing a murmur of 
voices, Kevin opened the door and welcomed her into 
the office. He was just finishing a session with a 
patient, who was on his way out of the office. <br><p> 

Motioning for her to sit on the office couch, Ellen 
accepted the seat and Kevin sat on the couch also. 
Today had been a difficult day for Kevin - starting 
with Lucy's unexpected visit and afterwards he had two 
very intense sessions with patients. His mood 
brightened considerably with Ellen's visit and he 
wanted to do his best to set her at ease. "I'm really 
glad to see you. How are you doing?" he asked. <br><p> 

"I've been better," Ellen replied with a wry smile 
that slowly faded. "Kevin, I just saw Lucy and she 
told me about her plans for Valentine's Day. Why in 
the world did you agree for Matt, Lucy, you, and me to 
spend that evening together at Luke's?" <br><p> 

Shaking his head, Kevin attempted to explain. "Ellen, 
it wasn't my idea; it was all Lucy's idea. I've been 
putting her off for weeks now and even though I 
initially resisted, yes, I did eventually agree to go 
if she could work it out with you and Matt."  <br><p> 

"But why did you do that Kevin?" Ellen stared at 
Kevin in disbelief. Couldn't Kevin see that all four 
of them being together on Valentine's Day, of all 
evenings, was not a good idea? <br><p> 

"Why? I suppose I felt she was going to persist in us 
doing something together for Valentine's Day unless I 
had other plans, which I didn't. So when she 
suggested spending the evening with you and Matt I 
thought that it would be an acceptable plan if you 
agreed." Kevin was puzzled and wasn't sure why Ellen 
was upset. When he agreed to Lucy's proposal it was 
with the caveat that Ellen and Matt had to agree also. 
Surely Ellen could have told Lucy that she and Matt 
had other plans for the evening, he thought. 
Unfortunately he hadn't considered that Lucy would ask 
Matt first, before asking Ellen. <br><p> 

Ellen squeezed her eyes shut and used her fingertips 
to pinch the bridge of her nose in an attempt to 
reduce her frustration. Opening her eyes again she 
said with a tinge of anger in her voice, "Kevin, don't 
you think that it's somewhat foolhardy for you and me 
to have dinner with Lucy and Matt?" <br><p> 

Kevin looked at Ellen and hoped that she could see in 
his eyes the feelings he wouldn't express with words. 
"Ellen, I'm being honest. I want to spend as much 
time with you as possible. I would assume that you 
would prefer for us to meet when other people are with 
us and that was one of the main reasons I agreed to 
the dinner. Why do you consider getting together on 
Friday night foolhardy?" <br><p> 

Nervousness quickly replaced the anger Ellen had felt 
a moment earlier, and with hesitation she said, 
"Because Matt or Lucy might notice that ... they might 
see something..." Ellen could not say the words, so 
Kevin finished the sentence for her. <br><p> 

"They might pick up on the fact that there is 
something more than friendship between us?" It was 
obvious that Ellen was distressed and Kevin placed his 
hand on Ellen's cheek to comfort her. The touch of 
her soft skin against his palm ignited passionate 
feelings, which Kevin tried to suppress. "Is that what 
you want to say?"  <br><p> 

Ellen closed her eyes again and slowly took a deep 
breath. How is it that she loved the feel of Kevin's 
hand softly caressing her face and was terrified her 
reaction to it at the same time she asked herself? 
Finally, she nodded as an answer to Kevin's question 
and began to pull her face from Kevin's hand when she 
felt Kevin's arm start to circle her waist. Keeping 
her eyes closed she placed both of her hands firmly on 
Kevin's chest to stop him from pulling her closer. 
Her mind told her that this situation was becoming far 
too dangerous. Opening her eyes, she whispered in a 
ragged voice. "Please don't, don't." Kevin released 
her and Ellen tried to compose her thoughts. "I 
haven't told Matt yet what has happened between us, 
but one day I probably will. And when I do I want to 
be able to say all that happened was a single kiss in 
an unguarded moment. If I can say that then I think 
that he will be able to forgive me and continue 
trusting me. But if we kiss again..." Ellen's voice 
broke as her lips quivered. She felt both excited and 
ashamed as she remember the kiss she and Kevin shared 
in her apartment. "If we kiss again and I have to 
tell him that, I'm not sure that he would ever forgive 
me. And I almost wouldn't expect him to." <br><p> 

Ellen rose quickly from the couch and Kevin mirrored 
her movements. They walked without speaking to the 
office door and just when he was ready to open it for 
her they looked at each other again. Ellen said 
solemnly, "If you remember that you don't want to hurt 
Lucy and I remember that I don't want to hurt Matt, 
we'll make it through Valentine's Day and all of the 
days to follow, O.K.?"  <br><p> 

If only it was that simple, Kevin thought. But he 
wanted to ease Ellen's burden so he smiled and said, 
O.K." Kevin opened the door and Ellen flashed him a 
grateful smile. Her hand covered Kevin's, which was 
on the door handle and she gave his hand a gentle 
squeeze. <br><p> 

"Bye," she said. Ellen was momentarily startled 
seeing Mac Scorpio just outside Kevin's office in the 
hallway. Ellen told him hi and once again thanked him 
for the enjoyable evening they recently had at Dara's 
apartment. Sensing Mac had something important to 
discuss with Kevin she excused herself and headed back 
to work.   <br><p> 

"Hi Mac, are you ready to head to the health club 
already?" Since Kevin had finished with his last 
patient for the day, he was more than ready to leave 
early and have a racquetball game with Mac. <br><p> 

"Not yet," Mac said sitting down in the office chair 
in front of Kevin's desk. "Can we talk for a few 
minutes first?" Thinking that Mac wanted to talk 
about Felicia or possibly Robin, Kevin sat on the edge 
of his desk facing Mac and waited for his friend to 
speak.  <br><p> 

"Kevin, last Friday at Dara's apartment, I came back 
into the living room while Dara was making coffee. I 
saw you and Ellen." Mac didn't have to say anything 
more. Kevin's face blushed crimson red as he realized 
Mac knew of his feelings for Ellen. <br><p> 

Kevin swallowed hard and continued looking at Mac for 
a few seconds. Placing his hand in his pants pockets, 
he stood up and walked around the desk and sat in his 
chair. After a few more seconds of silence he looked 
at Mac again and said quietly, "We haven't done 
anything Mac." <br><p> 

Mac was not able to completely eliminate the sarcastic 
tone from his voice when he asked, "Is that because 
you haven't tried anything or because she has said 
no?" <br><p> 

"A little of both I guess," was Kevin's reply. "Are 
you going to ask me 'Do you know what you are doing?" <br><p> 

"You know very well what you're doing, Kevin. My 
question is do you care what havoc will occur if Matt 
Harmon and Ellen Burgess break their engagement if she 
succumbs to any of your advances? Do you really think 
that it is worth it?" <br><p> 

"You know me well enough to know I'm not looking to 
just sleep with Ellen. I love her because of the 
person she is, which includes her moral code and how 
she doesn't want to hurt anyone. When I told her that 
I cared for her beyond just being her friend, she 
rebuffed my advances, and I'm doing the best I can to 
abide by her wishes. But she cares for me also; I can 
feel it, Mac. And it is difficult sometimes when 
we're together to maintain," Kevin paused to choose 
the appropriate words, "our agreement. But I can't 
not see her at all; I'm not even going to try to do 
that," Kevin stated emphatically. Rr 

Mac listened to everything Kevin said but his mind 
focused on only a few of Kevin's words. "Kevin," a 
stunned Mac noted, "just now you said that you loved 
her." <br><p> 

Blinking his eyes, Kevin realized that he said the 
words that he had never consciously thought, but that 
he'd felt in his heart for some time now. During 
shared meals and over coffee breaks, Ellen would 
listen patiently to Kevin as he discussed his failed 
relationships with Eve and Lucy, and those talks and 
her compassion got him through some very difficult 
times. More than once he had asked himself 
half-jokingly why he couldn't find a woman like Ellen. 
Now, he realized that he did not want a woman like 
Ellen; he wanted Ellen herself. A somewhat sad smile 
slowly appeared on Kevin's face. "Yes. I guess I did 
say that, didn't I?"  <br><p> 

Rising out of the chair, Mac suggested that they go 
should go now for their game. He made one final 
comment about Ellen to Kevin. "If you really feel that 
way, there is nothing I can really say to you. I hope 
that you two can work everything out, or else there 
will be hell to pay." 

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