Held in his arms Evangeline could feel John trembling and working up a plausible defense for her actions, "Well, ok, so you hurt back people that hurt those you care about; you were young, needed cash, all of your options were outside of legal…"

 "Stop it, just stop yourself. Making up these excuses won’t keep the truth at bay for very long John. THIS is who I am, THIS is what I do. No spin. How will you deal with this knowledge? You’re an agent for the FBI; I think you’re supposed to be arresting me about now, not taking a travelogue of my body."

 "Have you done jobs in the States?" he asked quietly.

 "Do you think I’m crazy enough to answer that question? Anything I’ve done, wherever I’ve been, I’ve left no evidence behind. Bank on it; I’m clean and home free. You, on the other hand, no longer have plausible deniability if anyone should question you about my actions to date. I wasn’t covering my ass by not answering your endless questions all these years, John; I was protecting your behind. Now what do you do? What becomes of us? There’s no changing the past."

 His eyes close and for several minutes he’s still, but his arms remain around her and his hands stay in light but constant motion over her. She’s unsure if he’s trying to seduce her to make her stop talking or assessing to himself that this was all real, not a nightmare that he can wake up from.

 "It’s in the past," he mumbles in her hair "what happened can stay buried and gone. I can fix things so Durant doesn’t come after you legally or by other means…"

 "You think I’m afraid of John Durant pressing charges? I think not, then the truth of what HE did also comes out and I’m sure my friends and I aren’t the only ones he left smeared and destroyed." Giving a cold laugh she nods her head against him, "Oh yeah, just let Durant come after me. I look forward to it."

 "John, I’m not admitting to anything here now, but remember I did say I hadn’t totally given up the life and I didn’t intend to change my life—at least not totally."

 "We’re setting up a home; building a life I call that major change for us both. This isn’t ‘Mr. & Mrs. Smith’ I can’t be married to a professional. I can’t hear about high profile jobs being pulled off and not start to track your movements in my brain remembering if we were together or apart, could it be you or was it someone else. I can’t do that."

 "Then we have our answers, and I do understand that this goes against everything for you."

Turning and pulling her on top of him John cups her face in his hands and looks into her eyes: still clear and ingenuous, no guilt or remorse, no hint that she’s an assassin at worst, a thief and desecrater of ancient temples and ruins at best. "Why are you settling down in nowhere with me? I love you; you have never said those words to me although I know you care for me deeply. No matter how deep in our passion I’ve never felt the words were on the tip of your tongue about to spill out of your luscious mouth, I’ve waited and waited for the words."

 "Oh, forget the damn words! Why are they so important, anyway? I want you and trust you more than even I knew, John. Now I’ve acknowledged to myself how much I would like us to work out and be….happy? I’m telling you what you said you wanted to know, needed to know to have a full life with me. This past year or so you’ve been intense, tense and insistent that you needed to know all about me, know me, claim me. Well here I am and this is your beloved Evangeline. Now what?"

 "It’s the past…"

 "No, John, it’s here and now. I could get a call tomorrow for a job. If I say I’m going sailing will you ever again believe I’m doing just that? Even though I really am, most of the time? How soon before you interrogate me about every second not spent in your presence or tracked by Bo and Antonio and whomever else you ask to keep an eye on me?"

 Pulling herself into a seated position on his thighs Van glanced down at his member replaying the feel of him moving inside her, the way he always makes her lose herself, want to give herself completely, "If you really want this life with me and you want it all, well, this is part of the all, I don’t consider it the worst part."

 "You don’t need the money anymore, why continue? The rush of getting away with it, what?"

 "I’m in the habit of survival John, even now, although I’ve been more than comfortable financially for years; know who my family is now, what happened to me as a kid and why. But I can’t shake those early years; I can’t forget the feeling of being kidnapped, taken against my will, Carla’s screams still wake me at night. I can’t forget all that’s happened in my life, all I’ve seen and done and had done to me. There’s no running from memory, but there is a sense of control one can have, as you well know. And this is how I exert my control, show my endurance, feel alive. Isn’t everyone looking for the job that they’re good at? These are among the things I do best."

 "I thought I made you feel alive; gave you a sense of place and ties to the world. I thought you knew I need you to exist for me, I’m lost without you, there’s no point in going on if I don’t have you."

"John, I’m sure you felt that about Caitlin too, yet you struggled on when she died. Yes, of course, I know your feelings for me John and I want to share in this with you, why else would I change my life so completely if not for you? Move to the States, move in try and create a world…a safe haven just for us. My feelings for you are so strong, and you know it. Why do you need the damn words all the time too? I’m here, I’m telling you the truth, I ask again now what?"

 "I.." the beeping of John’s cell and pager pull his attention away. Struggling to sit up to take the call he eases his legs out from under Evangeline’s body and sits upright in the bed. As he talks, Van looks him over to weigh the damage done here today—plenty with more to come. "Why did I stupidly decide I wanted to make a real home with this man?" she wonders to herself, "I never let sex or sentiment cloud my judgment before."

 Sighing she rolls to the side of the bed and prepares to rise when John’s land line rings, looking at him with raised eyebrows he indicates she should take the call, "Hello? Oh Eve, hi, how’s the cruise gig treating you? Yes, it was good to spend some time with you too; I look forward to more time together with tales of little John." Listening for a moment Van gestures to John to see if he’ll take the call, "Eve? John’s on a police call and his pager’s going off, can he call you back? Ok, I’ll tell him, bye."

 Walking into the living room she grimly acknowledges that the pink elephant that had been taking up so much space in his small domicile was still there, but at least a normal elephant color now. Feeling John’s eyes on her, she says over her shoulder, "Your mom said to call when you can. Do you have to go to work?"

 Walking up behind her he presses himself fully into her body so she can feel his arousal, his manhood nudging between her legs of its own volition trying to get home John figures as he drops several tiny kisses on her shoulders. "I have to go into the station and Michael phoned to say Durant’s being released today and he’s asking for me to stop by. And I should have Michael check me, my shoulder isn’t quite right." Her body doesn’t jerk away nor indicate in any way that he’s given her unpleasant news, all his hopes that she had an overwrought imagination dies. She’s who and what she says, he should be arresting her for attempted murder. Instead, he would see Durant, ask his side of the story and inform him that Van was more interested in torturing him then killing right now and then, if necessary, blackmail Durant into silence about Evangeline’s awfully good try at putting Durant into a world of pain, with murder coming down the line.

 After John left the thought formed in Van’s mind that she needed to have face time with Cristian so she headed over to gallery and then Carlotta’s diner. Arriving she headed to an empty booth where she could survey the comings and goings inside the diner and immediately outside the space; she noted Kevin leaving a table with Natalie and groaned when they made their way to her.

"I understand John and Cris had an altercation," Kevin says taking in her sleek ponytail, and very upscale deceptively causal look, with the tendrils escaping and curling around her ear lobes, especially sexy, "is everything alright at home?" She looked up at him like a woman very recently satisfied in her man’s bed.

 "Yeah, I’m surprised to see you I thought you left town." Speaking lightly to not let her jealously show Natalie also looks Van over and knows for sure the men were fighting about Evangeline.

 "Natalie, I was looking for Cris are you expecting him here? I need to speak with him."

 "About the fight?"

 "Yes, among other things."

 "It won’t happen again; Cristian told me they both lost their tempers. The past isn’t over for them."

 "No," Van says softly, "the past is never over for anyone. But in a way it is for you Natalie, you thought you were a bride and a widow in practically the same day, and now once again you’re wife to the man you love. The present can render the past meaningless if you focus on the here and now."

 "Yeah, and look to the future. Speaking of which there won’t be a future BE if I don’t get to the office. Natalie lets talk more about you coming on board at the family business, think about what you might want to do. I think though, you should go back to college and get some kind of degree, even with BE to fall back on, can’t hurt."

 "You’re going back to school?"

 "If I can ever figure out what I want to do, yeah, maybe. For now it’s enough to be with Cris, it should be but he’s not the same as before. Not that I expect him to be; it’s just hard to not know who you’re living with day-to-day." Startled by her admission Natalie blushes and starts to work up a snit.

 "No, it’s fine I know things roll around in your head and out your mouth; things that need saying. You should take Kevin up on his offer to work, look around and learn at BE it might help give you some insight into your job future, if nothing else. Nothing wrong with wanting to be with your man 24-7, but better to have your own resources and life to bring to the relationship; just my opinion. Speaking of your man…Cris, can I talk with you for five minutes?"

"Look the fight was stupid, just blowing off steam." Cris says quickly.

 "I don’t care about that; you’re both alive so let’s forget it. Can we talk? Natalie? Just a few minutes."

 "Nat, wait for me at the counter. What can I do for you?"

 Lowering her voice she gestures for him to sit beside her, "It’s a bit touchy I know but I was wondering if you had remembered anything else about being held captive and the orders you might have been given. Obviously, you didn’t follow through and kill Antonio, but I do know you’re the one that dealt with Tico Santi. Don’t get wound up, I don’t give a damn about his death or having anyone pay a price for dealing with him. He was sloppy, he had to go."

 "McBain knows about me and Santi?"

 "Not to my knowledge and I’m not sharing this with him. What I want to know is…your conditioning was over a period of time, does your shrink think there are more bombs waiting to go off inside of you? If so, who’s the target or targets?"

 "If we’ve discussed it that would be privileged information and none of your damn business."

 "Cris, look, for reasons I’m not going to explain I’m well aware of how you lived your life once you got off the ship and before you returned to Llanview. I’m not interested in blowing up your life and you yourself resisted the orders on your brother. Great. But I would think you’d want to make sure that you’re not a threat in anyway to others that you care about; and I want to make sure you’re not problem a for John."

 "I don’t know what to say to that." he responded warily, "why should I trust you?"

 "Because I’ve known about your part in Tico’s death before I got here and said nothing; and by telling you that I know and haven’t told my FBI boyfriend I’m giving you something to hold over my head. Trust is irrelevant; we have a common need to get some answers about your past which may impact my present and future."

 "You want to work together?"

 "On the down low, yes."

 "So I get to cloak and dagger with you and have McBain confused, jealous and annoyed that we’re spending quality time together? I like it, how will you explain it?"

"I’m commissioning you to do two art installation pieces for our new house—we’re going to have to spend a lot of time together to get it just right, a complement of your vision and talents and imagination with what I want for my home with John. Are you with me?"

 "Oh yeah, Evangeline, I’m with you all the way." Cris said chuckling, "and I’d love to be around when you drop this on McBain."

 "Yeah? Well I can sure stick around while you tell your insecure little wife."