Faith In Us by musingonsoaps

Chapter 10

The long, leisurely catching-up-on-all-the-news-meal at Capricorn eventually ended and the grans were now ensconced in their separate suites with adjoining and sharable balconies in Evangeline’s and John’s penthouse. John was in the kitchen pulling a beer from the refrigerator when Van entered and sat down at the table, "So, what or who set you off and put you on guard-dog alert at the airport?" she asked him while kicking off her low heeled shoes. Briefly she wondered if she’d ever find her balance in Tod’s, Choo’s or Manolo’s again. She tried to surreptitiously check out her ankles and legs for signs of swelling, the appearance of spider veins or worse. John came to her side and sat in the chair opposite her, set his beer on the table and reached down and placed her legs in his lap, gently massaging her feet, ankles and moving up to her knees.

"Better?"

Nodding she sighed in contentment, "But I still want to know why you went to Defcon 4 mode in the airport. You alerted the chauffeur about something; charming and attentive to my grandmothers as you were, you were phoning it in so they wouldn’t notice. You weren’t really paying us any attention at lunch; your mouth was moving but your mind wasn’t there."

"When I’m out with my high-profile, pregnant wife, I look around and scope out everything."

"You put RJ’s bouncers on alert about something too. You’re not going to tell me are you?"

"If I really had something concrete I would, I don’t, please don’t start to worry."

John found additional reasons to be thankful for her grandmothers when they heard Celeste calling out from the living room trying to locate them. Evangeline was effectively diverted. For now.

"Oh, honey, don’t get up. Keep your feet up for as long as you can," laughed Celeste, "once our grandbaby’s here, nanny or not, you’re going to be racing around after the cutie."

John started to rise while asking Celeste if he could get her anything, "John, sit on down. I’ll just get some juice and join you."

"Where’s Dinah?" asked John.

"She was a bit more worn out than I was, she did come in from further away than I did. She’s taking a nice long soak in the tub and then a little nap."

John pulled out a chair for her then went back to his seat across from Evangeline and her waiting feet.

"We both love this place, wonderfully decorated Evangeline, it’s large but feels quite cozy and like home. Anyone can tell you two really live here, you’re not just passing through on your way to a more glamorous location."

"Grandma, you don’t have to tiptoe around it; I know John’s told you about my fears concerning the baby; my lack of belief in myself as a mom. I know you don’t understand what this is all about for me."

"Of course I get it, you’re mother is my daughter-in-law don’t forge; not that I haven’t come to appreciate many of her qualities. It just took us time to find a common meeting place and comfort level with each other." Celeste toyed with her drinking glass then looked at Evangeline, "Honey, your mother has ALWAYS been difficult to read and get to know. She’s a very private person. Not helped, I’m sure, by having an affair that everyone in both the families are well of and of course, we weren’t thrilled. I admit I wondered if the marriage would survive such a direct hit, but it did and Laurence adores you, we all love you."

"Even Dina?" asked Van with questioning brows.

"In her own way your mom cares very much about you. Not everyone is good at expressing themselves, you should know that." Celeste gave a covert nod in John’s direction, "But there are all kinds of ways to show another person that you care."

"I think with parents and their kids it should be more direct and to the point. Kids don’t appreciate grayness and uncertainty about whether their parents’ love them or not. I’ve been through it, I don’t want this little one to endure it too, but I’m clueless about how to put a stop to it."

"Don’t let it get started."

"How, grandma, how do I prevent it?"

"Why are you so certain you’ll walk this path like your mother? She had an affair, she got pregnant, she wasn’t sure who the father was, there were a whole set of circumstances that have nothing to do with you, Evangeline, the individual, the woman you’ve become. Things that you don’t even know, and no, I’m not divulging them now either. Just because you followed in Dina’s career path doesn’t mean you’re just like her."

"Certainly there are people who aren’t interested in parenting; people that don’t want to have children and I’m glad we live in a society now where there’s a choice. But you don’t strike me as unable, incapable or uninterested in being good to children, in loving yours and John’s child, in being a good parent. What am I missing?"

"You don’t know how awful it was growing up with her; I was begging to be sent away to boarding school or to live with you or grandma Dinah. If it wasn’t for Daddy, I’d now be one of those people on top of a post office with a rifle."

"Instead you’re a major, successful performer. You’re a Williamson and a Cassadine by birth and a Parker by upbringing, a McBain by marriage. You have siblings, a whole new batch of relatives, has it really been such an awful life when you weigh it all out? Is there anything that makes you think you’ll harm this child once he or she is in this world?"

"Oh, of course I wouldn’t physically, but there are other ways to inflict terrible damage…"

"And you would never do any of those things, honey." John said joining the exchange.

"No, you wouldn’t; you’re not your mother, Evangeline and you’re not me either. If Dina’s remote, calculating and cold, I certainly helped to make her that way." Dinah said from the doorway, "I was aghast that she would be unfaithful to Laurence, a child of mine! I didn’t raise her like that, or did I? I certainly always did as I pleased and damn the impact on anyone else. I was spoiled and the complete center of attention growing up and I married a man who was happy to indulge me and keep my princess routine intact. I’m not to blame for all of your mother’s choices—because she made CHOICES, just as we all do. But I definitely showed her that she wouldn’t have to pay a steep and serious price for her actions. She’s a beautiful and brilliant woman, just like I was, just like you are and the world is so forgiving towards a beautiful, charming and smart woman who can turn it to her advantage. I taught her that, I taught you too."

"When Dina came along it took me more than a moment to adjust to no longer being the ultimate center of attention in our household. But eventually, with the patience of my husband and the rest of the family I grew up. Honey, kids and the way life changes when they come along grows you up real fast! It changes your marriage, not always for ill, but it’s an adjustment that most people never think about; it changes YOU. Life grows you up if you let it. And baby girl, it’s wonderful, wonderful."