Lost Love – Ch 3
Quite a few weeks had past since their moment in Evangeline’s bedroom. They had avoided spending any time alone since that night. They made a point to include Dani whenever they were together.
Evangeline had spent time with Eve, Marcie and Shannon over the past few weeks. She had grown really fond of them. They were really terrific women. Eve had warmed to her as she watched Evangeline with her granddaughter. The change in her son since Evangeline’s return also gave Eve cause to give Evangeline another chance. Since Evangeline’s mother had past away during her time in hiding, she hadn’t had anyone to bounce things off of as it related to Dani. Eve had given Evangeline permission to call her any time she had a question. Evangeline was grateful to her for that.
Marcie was the tolerant member of the group. She was always attempting to promote peace in situations. She was funny and smart. She would also fight for the things she believed in. Evangeline believed that Marcie might have been her greatest supporter. Evangeline really liked her. Shannon was the firecracker in the family. Since her years at Llanview U, she’d really grown into herself. She worked at the Love Center with troubled youth. Dani loved her. She would trail around behind Shannon like a shadow. Shannon was very patient with Dani and that made Evangeline love her even more, too. Shannon and Evangeline had gone shopping a couple of times while Dani had stayed with Eve. Shannon was proving to be someone Evangeline could talk to about anything.
Evangeline had also been spending time rebuilding her friendship with Nora. She wasn’t practicing law any more, but she still kept up with it. She’d even been able to help Nora prepare for a couple of cases. It was nice, because while she was settled into her new life she missed being a lawyer. Maybe when Dani started school, she’d attempt to go back to practicing, but for now she just enjoyed raising her daughter.
Even though she had spent as little time alone with John as possible, she and Dani spent plenty of time with him. They sat down to dinner practically every night. John made a point to be home early enough most nights to spend time with Dani discussing her day and reading to her. On the weekends, John made a point to not work more than half a day. Usually on Saturday or Sunday afternoons, the three of them went to the park or the zoo. Dani absolutely adored her father. Evangeline did too if she was honest with herself. She just couldn’t let it show. She’d hurt him and she didn’t expect him to forgive her. She wouldn’t put the burden of her feelings on him, too.
Tonight was going to be a test. The entire McBain family was having a barbeque at Marcie and Michael’s. This would be the first family event that Evangeline had participated in. She wasn’t sure how it would work out, but she didn’t have a choice of being there. As she was building a tentative relationship with the McBain women, she couldn’t say no to the dinner. She’d dressed in jeans and a baby blue polo shirt for the barbeque. Dani was dressed in overall shorts with Pluto, her favorite Disney character, on the front and a pink t-shirt. Dani was sitting on the floor turning pages in an Alphabet picture board book Shannon had gotten for her. Evangeline was sitting on pins and needles while they waited on John to get down stairs. He’d gotten in from work later than he’d anticipated and he’d gone to take a shower and change.
Dani was getting bored with her book and walked to the piano that now sat in the living room of the condo. Evangeline had it delivered to John’s until she found her own house. It would have to stay there for a longer period apparently since she hadn’t been able to find anything yet. Dani opened the piano and looked at her mother. She wasn’t allowed to touch the keys without permission. Evangeline shook her head as she thought about what a hard lesson that had been and walked to the piano and sat on the bench. She then picked Dani up and sat her on the bench beside her.
"What do you want to play?"
"You are my sunshine," Dani said with a grin.
"Okay, do you remember how it goes?"
"Yes, ma’am."
"Go ahead."
"Are you going to play too?" Dani asked with a frown.
"Not this time. I’m going to watch you."
"You sing then," Dani demanded.
"You’re pretty bossy, you know that," Evangeline said, as she smoothed her daughter’s hair.
"Daddy says I’m just like you."
"Is that right?" Evangeline asked with a laugh, "Okay, go ahead and play."
Dani started playing and Evangeline joined in with the song.
John heard them from the top of the stairs. He smiled as he came into the room. They were so adorable together. Dani was playing well for her age, but she hit a few wrong notes. She didn’t notice as she enjoyed playing with her mom. They both looked up at him with identical grins. Dani climbed down from the bench and ran to her dad. He caught her just as she would have run into his legs and picked her up in his arms.
"Did you like it daddy?"
"I did. I didn’t know I was living with such talented girls," he said with a smile that included Evangeline.
"Well, we live to surprise you," Evangeline responded.
"Is that right?"
"We try," Evangeline said and the two of them shared a smile. She was the first to break eye contact.
He looked at Dani and asked, "Are you ready milady?"
"Yes, daddy, I’m ready."
"Well, let’s get this show on the road."
"We don’t have a show daddy," Dani said and Evangeline laughed at the expression on John’s face.
He just shook his head and said, "Ah, yeah. Let’s go."
John carried Dani to the car, with Evangeline following them, and buckled Dani into her car seat, before getting behind the wheel.
-----------
He was a few minutes away from Michael’s when he finally allowed himself to look at Evangeline. He’d been fighting against the distraction that Evangeline was to him whenever they were in the same room. He noticed that her hands were clenched in her lap. A smile tilted the corner of his mouth. She was nervous.
Unconsciously, he reached out and laid his hand on top of hers. Her hands unclenched and opened under his. He took her left hand in is and wove his fingers through hers. Then he squeezed her hand.
"There’s no reason for you to be nervous. My family loves you."
"Thanks."
He pulled their joined hands to his thigh, forcing Evangeline to lean toward him in her seat. She relaxed into the seat and looked back at their daughter who had fallen asleep on the drive.
"She okay?" he asked, glancing into Evangeline’s face.
"She’s fine. Doing her usual when we ride in the car, sleeping," Evangeline said with a radiant look on her face.
He didn’t say anything but he could actually feel the love Evangeline had for that little girl. Sometimes it made him sad because he used to feel that when she looked at him. She didn’t look at him very much any more. He wasn’t sure if it was because of what happened weeks ago in her bedroom or if it was because she didn’t have feelings for him anymore. The latter wasn’t something he wanted to fathom. They hadn’t talked about their future or if there was a possibility for them to have one together. It was time for them to talk about the past and what they wanted. Tonight was as good a time as any. Ready or Not.
----------
While the men were manning the grill, the womenfolk were putting together the side items. Dani was having the best time ‘helping’ both inside and out. The women had a great time laughing and talking while they worked. Evangeline felt silly now about the nervousness earlier. These women were slowly but surely becoming her friends. She didn’t have to pretend to be something she wasn’t.
She found herself looking for John throughout the evening. At one point, Shannon called her on it.
"He’s still where you saw him last," Shannon said.
"What are you talking about?" Evangeline responded.
"John is still where you last saw him."
Evangeline blushed. All the women looked at her and smiled.
"There’s nothing to be ashamed of Evangeline. He watches you too," said Marcie
"No he doesn’t. John is still furious at me for what happened."
"Based on what you told us, it wasn’t your fault. He probably understands that better than you think," added Eve. Evangeline had decided if she was going to have a real relationship with the McBain women she needed to explain why she left. She’d given them the watered down version of the events that led to her leaving.
"Maybe, but it doesn’t change how he feels."
"I don’t know, but you two need to make peace for the little one’s sake," Eve responded.
"Who’s the little one, Nana?" asked Dani as she walked into the room from outside.
"You, dear."
----------
Outside, John was flipping steaks and chicken and turning hotdogs. He glanced through the glass door into the kitchen and Michael saw him.
"She’s not going anywhere."
"What?"
"Evangeline is not leaving again. You can see it in her eyes."
"She didn’t leave of her own free will before. I don’t know what to think."
"Is mom keeping Dani tonight?"
"Yep, I already cleared it. Evangeline will be upset that I didn’t talk to her about it, but that’s too bad. We’ve got to talk and we’ve got to do it without Dani there."
"I hope that doesn’t make it more confrontational."
"Probably will, but I expect a fight anyway," he said with a smile.
-----------
After they’d been at Michael and Marcie’s for a couple of hours, Dani was running from adult to adult. She loved all the attention. She’d helped Marcie feed MJ his last bottle and now she thought she was an expert. She found her father and uncle outside on the patio and she regaled them with her knowledge of feeding babies. She was very proud of herself. Since John had talked to his mother earlier and gotten her to agree to keep Dani overnight, now was the time to get his little girl’s agreement.
"Dani, would you like to spend the night at Nana’s?" John asked after pulling the little girl onto his lap.
"Yes, daddy. I’d love it," she said with a grin.
"Nana, told me earlier that she wanted you to come home with her tonight and I’ll come and get you tomorrow morning. How about that?"
"What about Mommy?"
"Mommy is going home with me."
"She’ll be lonely without me there."
"I’ll take care of her."
"Pinky swear," Dani declared and held up her pinky to her father.
"Pinky swear," he responded. As he grasped her finger with his, he thought back to a similar innocent promise with her mother that had led to so much more.
----------
Evangeline was upstairs with Marcie and MJ when John went looking for her. When he entered the nursery, Evangeline was sitting in the rocking chair holding MJ. She was singing Brahm’s Lullabye to the baby and he was captivated by her. Marcie was standing in the doorway to the closet with an enchanted look on her face.
Evangeline looked like an angel holding that baby in the dim lamplight and he felt himself falling under her spell. This was what he’d missed with Dani. Since Evangeline had been back she’d given him pictures of Dani as a baby. One of them was of Evangeline holding Dani just days after she was born. That picture was as close as he would ever get to experiencing this with Dani. He was still resentful of that, but he was slowly getting over it.
When Evangeline finished the song, she got up and put the sleeping baby in his crib. She looked toward the bedroom door and smiled at John. She didn’t look surprised to find him there, so she must have sensed him earlier. He knew that she’d never looked at him. He’d been watching her intently.
Evangeline and Marcie walked out of the room and met John in the hallway. He turned to Evangeline and asked, "Are you ready to go?"
"Yeah, I’ll go get Dani."
"Dani went home with my mother," he said waiting for the outburst that he knew was coming.
"What do you mean Dani went home with your mother? You didn’t even consult me?"
"Angie, we need to talk and we can’t do that with Dani in the house."
"So you just decide we’re going to talk and I don’t have any say in it."
"Of course you have a say, but I knew at the rate we were going, we wouldn’t talk for months."
She clenched her teeth and didn’t say anything. She turned to Marcie with a smile and said, "Thanks for dinner and for making us feel so welcome."
"No thanks necessary. You’re family," Marcie replied and gave Evangeline a hug.
Marcie then leaned up so John could kiss her on the cheek and whispered to him, "Good Luck. You’re going to need it."
He smiled down at her and nodded his head, "You’re right."
They said their goodbyes to Michael and left. At the car, John opened Evangeline’s door and she got into the car without saying a word to him. He sighed and got into the driver’s seat. He turned to her and took her hand. She resisted but he held on.
"I’m sorry that I didn’t talk to you about Dani going home with mom, but I knew we had to talk and I know you don’t want to."
She turned to him and sighed, "It not that I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to fight with you and I’m afraid of our being alone together."
"Why?"
"Our physical attraction to each other has never been in doubt. I don’t want us falling into something that we aren’t ready for or would regret."
"I see. I thought you were avoiding me because you were still upset about me forcing you into living with me."
"I guess, we’ve both been making some assumptions without knowing how the other feels. I’m sorry."
"Me, too. So, do you forgive me?"
"Yes," she said with a smile and squeezed his hand.
"Well, since that’s settled let’s go home and talk," he said releasing her hand and turning the key in the ignition.
"Let’s go home."
----------
When they arrived at the condo, they both noticed that the house was awfully quiet without Dani there. Evangeline went into the kitchen and made decaffeinated coffee. She didn’t want to be wired during this discussion. After pouring two cups, she added cream and sugar to a tray and went to find John. He’d turned on the radio and found a jazz station to give them some background noise. He was standing in front of the window overlooking the back yard when she walked into the den. He looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Maybe having the talk tonight was for the best. The last thing she wanted was for him to suffer anymore than he already had as a result of her being here. She placed the tray she was carrying on the coffee table and went to stand beside him. She glanced down at the hand that hung to his side and saw that it was clenched. She placed her hand on top of his and his fingers relaxed almost immediately. She slid her hand around and gripped his fingers. He finally turned to her and gazed at her for a long moment.
She finally asked him quietly, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Just thinking about us," he said with a half smile.
"Oh," she said and glanced away from his stare.
He shook her hand and she looked back at him, "It wasn’t bad. I was just thinking about how much I missed you over the past four years. You’ve changed so much and sometimes I feel like I don’t know you at all. Others, I feel like I know you better than I know myself. Either way, I’m glad that you’re here."
"I know that. You get to spend time with Dani everyday and I know how much you love her," she said with a smile that didn’t fully reach her eyes.
"I do love Dani. So much so, that sometimes I think it can’t be real, but I wasn’t talking about Dani," he said and then he reached out for her other hand. When they were facing each other, he said, "I’m glad you’re here."
"I’m glad I’m here too. I’ve missed you so much. Sometimes I would lie down in a quiet room and just imagine that you were there with me. Being away from you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do," she said and tears filled her eyes. As the tears escaped down her cheeks, she laughed at herself.
"Hey," he said as he released her hands and cupped her cheeks, wiping away the tears with his thumbs. She wrapped her fingers around his wrists as he pulled her to him. His lips were firm and warm against hers. She leaned into him and surrendered to the kiss. It had always been like this with John. She was powerless in her feelings for him. Could she survive without him? Yes. Did she want to? Absolutely not.
They separated and he pulled her into an embrace. They swayed to the music that was filtering through the room. She rested her head against his shoulder and allowed him to support her weight. For a long time they just danced. It had been so long and she’d missed him so much. She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her lips into the hollow of his neck. He shuddered at the contact and held her closer.
Finally, he pulled back and looked in her eyes and asked, "What do we do now?"
"I don’t know what we should do, but I remember an extraordinarily smart man once said maybe we should just ignore everyone and see what happens."
"I wonder who said that. That is extremely profound," he said with a smirk.
"I think so, too," she agreed.
He kissed her. He loved the taste of her, couldn’t get enough of it. In that moment, he decided that they had all the time in the world to talk. He’d been without her for four years and that was long enough. He had to have her now. With that in mind, he lifted her in his arms and carried her up the stairs. When he laid her on his bed, she held his face between her hands and traced his features, as if she was imprinting them in her memory.
"I’m not going any where," he told her.
"I know. Sometimes that’s just hard to believe."
"Are you sure about this?"
"No, but I want to be with you in every way."
He kissed her in response. He undressed her and himself and worshipped her body. He was in control. Tonight, he wanted her to know just how much he had missed her. He’d shut himself off from anyone outside his immediate family when Evangeline had disappeared. He’d never wanted to hurt like that again, so he’d only dealt with his family. Now after having lived with her for weeks, he could understand why people would risk their hearts after having been hurt. Even though, he still felt angry when he noticed something new about Dani, he wanted all the things a couple could have with the beautiful woman lying beneath him. They already shared a child. He wanted them to share a life, if only they could move past what they’d lost.
