Chapter 3
Marcie was in surgery for a few more hours. When the doctors finished, they reported to Ron and Michael that she’d made it through the surgery, but the next 48 hours would be crucial. Michael took a deep breath and moved to lean against the wall.
John moved to support his brother. He’d sent Evangeline home earlier. She’d told him to expect her back and she would bring real take-out back for them.
"Mikey, are you okay?"
"I’m fine Johnny. I just know how bad this could be and I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose her."
"You’re not going to lose her. She’s going to be fine. She made it through the surgery. Now, it’s only a matter of time before she’s up and around."
"You can’t be sure of that. Look at what happened to Caitlin. There are no guarantees."
"Michael, what happened to Caitlin was completely different. She was killed instantly. There was never a chance for her. Marcie is going to make it."
"I want to believe that."
"Then do."
"When did you become Mr. Optimism?"
"I don’t know. Last few weeks, maybe."
"Evangeline has a good effect on you."
"Yeah, she does," he said with a speculative look.
"How do you deal with her being so independent?"
"I don’t have a choice. That’s who she is. If I want her, I’ve got to take the whole package. That is frustrating some times, because she will put herself in harm’s way without realizing it."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, she’ll put herself undercover or show up at a crime scene. I haven’t even talked to her about the latter because I know how it’ll go over. She’s definitely her own woman. I like that."
"Well, you’ve never had that before."
"I don’t think I know what you’re talking about."
"Both Caitlin and Natalie were needy. I mean I loved Caitlin and I like Natalie but they depended on you a lot. Evangeline doesn’t do that. Even when she was attacked, she was still planning to handle it on her own. I mean I could tell that she appreciated all the care you gave her, but she was determined that she would have been okay with or without you."
"Yeah, I know. That is my greatest frustration with her."
"What’s her greatest frustration with you?"
"My friendship with Natalie."
"Are you sure it’s your friendship or is it the way you go off to save her at her every call?"
"Michael, I don’t do that."
"John, are you serious? Do you really believe that you don’t react when Natalie calls?"
"I do react, but she doesn’t have anybody who understands her."
"Do you understand her?"
"I understand what it’s like to lose someone you love. That’s all."
"Well, you better be careful, before you lose someone else you love."
"Thanks for the advice, Mikey."
"Anytime. I’m gonna go check on Marcie. They said she should be out of recovery pretty soon. I want to be with her if she wakes up."
"I know," he said and patted his brother on the shoulder. "Go ahead. I’ll be here."
"Thanks, for coming to stay with me."
"Where else would I be?"
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Evangeline got back to the hospital about a half hour later. She was carrying a bag from Rodi’s with hamburgers and fries for the men. She had changed clothes and was now wearing her favorite jeans and a red top with her leather jacket.
"Hey," John said as he rose when he saw her enter the waiting room.
"Hey," she responded leaning up for a brief kiss. "How’s Marcie?"
"She’s out of surgery, but she hasn’t woken up yet. She’ll be in recovery for a while."
"How are Michael and Ron?"
"Worried. How are you?"
"I’m fine. I’m worried about Michael. He really loves Marcie and I don’t know how he’ll handle it if Marcie doesn’t make it," she said as she glanced to where Michael and Ron stood talking near the nurse’s station.
"He’ll make it. I know. I’ve been there. I don’t ever want to go there again."
"I can only imagine, but do you regret having loved Caitlin?"
A shocked look covered his face at the question. "Of course not. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. Why would you ask that?"
"I guess, because I’m realizing that even if you lose someone you love, it’s worth it. You can’t go through life avoiding loving people because you might lose them. My dad was the most important person in my life for a long time. I mean, I love my mom, but we don’t have the same kind of relationship that me and my dad had. When he died, it hurt like hell, but I didn’t regret the good times or the bad. I just decided to remember the times we shared and that made it all worthwhile. I wouldn’t trade any of the time I had with him, in order to escape the pain of losing him." With that, she turned away from John to give Michael and Ron their dinner.
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"Michael and Ron, I have your dinner," she said holding up the bag from Rodi’s. "Burgers and fries."
"Evangeline, thank you. You are a godsend," Ron responded.
"That’s what people keep telling me," she teased back. Ron took the food that she offered and sat down in a nearby seat.
"Evangeline, I don’t know how to thank you," Michael said in a quiet voice.
"You don’t have to thank me. I care about you and Marcie. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. If there is anything I can do, you just let me know. I’ll be here. I even brought work."
"You do care about me. You brought work so you could stay," he teased.
"Keep it up and I’ll make you pay. You know I’m a fighter."
"I’m sorry. I’m scared now," he chuckled.
"You better be."
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John watched her interact with his brother and smiled. She was something else. For the past few years, he’d been so caught up in the pain and guilt of losing Caitlin, that he hadn’t taken the time to appreciate what he’d had with her. He’d missed what he shared with her, but he was afraid of experiencing that kind of loss again. Had being with Caitlin been worth the pain he’d felt when he lost her? Yes, without question. Why hadn’t he realized that?
In five minutes, Evangeline had broken down what he’d been using to protect himself. How could he have been so stupid? Yes, he’d needed to find the killer and yes he’d been in a place where he hadn’t cared if he’d lived or died, but he hadn’t taken the time to celebrate that he’d had time with Caitlin. How could he have overlooked the time and love they’d shared like that? He wouldn’t trade that time for anything.
What was he doing with Evangeline? She was so much more than he thought he deserved and yet, he was the man she wanted. How was that possible? What did he really have to offer her? She could take care of herself financially and from what she’d shared New Year’s Eve, she could take care of herself physically. Sometimes she needed help but those times were few and far between. When he’d told her that she wasn’t like anyone he’d ever met, he’d meant that.
While Caitlin had been a strong woman, doing her own thing, she had depended on him. He’d grown used to her leaning on him. Natalie was like her in that respect and maybe that’s why he felt obligated to her. While she did have family, she still felt like the outsider and oddly enough he felt that way sometimes as well. He understood that about her and wanted to be there for her, but not at the expense of his relationship with Evangeline. He was learning more and more that Evangeline couldn’t live with believing she was second. He had to make sure that she understood that she was second to no one in his life.
"Hey, you’re staring. What’s up?" Evangeline asked after moving back to him.
"I was just thinking. What are you doing now?"
"I don’t know. I thought I’d hang around here with Michael. I brought some work with me. I figured that you’d have to get back to work."
"I do need to do some paperwork, but I want to be here for Michael."
She smiled at him. "You are here, but I’m sure he’ll understand if you need to get back to the station."
"He would, but I don’t know if I should leave him."
"He won’t be by himself. Ron’s here and like I said, I brought work with me."
"Okay. I’ll see you later. If you leave here, give me a call. I just want to make sure you’re safe."
"Thanks. I’ll be fine, but I’ll call you."
He leaned his head down and kissed her lingeringly. He didn’t care if his brother or the world saw him. He needed to enjoy whatever time he could get with her. Just like it was Marcie in recovery, it could just as easily be Evangeline. Things happened everyday that people have no control over and he had to remember that.
"Hey, what was that for?" she asked when the kiss ended.
"Just because I’m happy to be with you," he said and smiled in response to hers.
"I’m happy to be with you, too."
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When John was back at the station, he got a call that the DNA results would be in the next morning. Cris or whoever was scheduled to go before a judge tomorrow as well. Evangeline was at the hospital and Cris was in his cell. He did have paper work to do, but he couldn’t’ concentrate. He heard footsteps at his door and looked up seeing Natalie.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey, John," she replied. "Do you have a minute?"
"Sure. How ya doing?"
"Not good. I was so angry, but I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for always being here for me."
"That’s what friends are for."
"Well, you are one of the best. I can always depend on you to be there."
"Natalie, I am here for you, but I need you to understand that I’m involved with Evangeline. She’s the only woman I want to be with. I care about you and I’m going to help you as much as I can, but I might not be able to be there anytime you call. I just wanted to make sure that you understand."
"John, I do," Natalie said with a slight tremor in her voice. "I understand that you and Evangeline are serious and I’d never want to do anything to come between you." She looked away and blinked the tears from her eyes.
"That’s good, because it would just cause problems in our friendship. Besides, there’s nothing you could do to come between us. I’m just sorry that you’re going through what you are."
"It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I should have listened to you," she said and glanced at him. "I’m going to find Uncle Bo now. Thanks for listening."
"Yeah."
John had seen the pain in her eyes and he’d wanted to comfort her, but he couldn’t. She’d lost Cristian again and he couldn’t be the main person he depended on. He had another woman depending on him and he wasn’t going to let her down. What he had with Evangeline was worth more to him than any of his other relationships. Thinking of Evangeline, he wondered what she was doing. He knew that she was scheduled to be in court tomorrow with Antonio and that she would probably go to the hearing for Cristian or John Doe or whoever. He missed her. He knew she was still at the hospital and decided to go back.
